S.344528

These number I bet I’ve looked at 20 times or more today and every time I was on my toes.

My sweet grandmother had to have surgery today and I was terrified. Even though I knew God was in control I was still scared.

I was scared that it would be the last time I hugged her would be it, then she’d be gone. As I lay here looking at her typing I ask if your reading this please pray for her and if your reading this week’s for now still pray for her healing.

They preformed her surgery and removed a massive tumor growing inside her ovaries. The removed her gallbladder due to gall stones, both her ovaries and her tumor.

She still has a long road to recovery ahead of her, but we know God is in control as always. Please just keep her in your prayers♡

Thank you all so much!♡♡

Warning!!! Tumor pictures below.

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Thank A Trucker, Plus Tips!

This is David. You may not know him, but I do. Here’s a few thing you need to know about him.

He is a wonderful Dad, loving husband and a hard worker most days. (Laughs) He is also a truck driver.

Everyday he wakes up and works he does something that is vitally important to the way we live. Without truck drivers like him we would do without in a lot of ways!

Here’s a breakdown of what would happen without truck drivers..

24 Hours

  • The delivery of medical supplies would stop and hospitals would begin to run out of basic supplies
  • Food and gas shortages would begin to develop
  • S. mail and other package deliveries would cease

2-3 Days

  • Food and gas shortages would increase, leading to increased prices, long lines, hoarding, and consumer panic
  • ATMs and banks would run out of cash
  • Garbage would begin to pile up
  • Container ships would sit in ports and rail transport come to a standstill

1 Week

  • Hospitals would begin to run out of oxygen supplies and other life-saving materials
  • Automobile travel would stop due to a lack of fuel

2 Weeks

  • Clean water supply would begin to diminish

We Love Our Trucker!
As far as our family we are very grateful for truck drivers like David! As drivers of the road sometimes we lack in showing respect for them on the road. Here’s a few helpful hints to remember when sharing the road with truck drivers…

#1. They can’t stop on a dime, so please give us space! *A fully loaded tractor trailer weighing up to 80,000 pounds and traveling at regular highway speeds requires at least 750 feet or (2 and half football fields) to stop.

#2. If you can’t see their mirrors then they can’t see you!

#3. When passing a truck and moving back into its lane make sure you can see the truck’s headlights in your rear view mirror before you cut back in. That allows the truck enough space to slow down or stop if something happens up ahead.

#4. Thank a trucker!

My What If Suicide Letter (Trigger Warning)

I believe at one point and time the thought of suicide has crossed everyone’s mind. This is a sensitive subject that most don’t even discuss.

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Maybe this sounds superficial, but in most movies and in real life when one decides to end their life they leave a letter to explain their action. I’ve often wondered if I ever came to that point in my life what words would I leave in the minds of the ones I loved. All across the board, These would be the words I left on a tear-stained page.

First off, I’m sorry that you’re going to deal with all this. From experience I know having a funeral home come, having a mess to clean up afterwards, and the burden of financial burial funds are no fun to deal with. Moving on, There has been several things on mind that I’ve pondered on during my last days with depression.

I want to apologize for everything I’ve done, All except for my death. I’m glad I left you so now you can finally be happy. I’m sorry I was always so grumpy, People just don’t realize how much having depression sucks the life out of you. I’m sorry for being a burden and in the way. I’m sorry for the joy I sucked from your life. I’m gone now, so you can do what makes you happy without dealing with me.

I’m sorry I was never good enough for you and I wasn’t the best I could be. I’m sorry for all the emotions I made you feel like frustration, anger, hurt, and sadness. I’m sorry I was worthless and not good enough. I’m sorry I came into your life and did you more harm that good. I keep saying sorry because you’ll never know or understand just how sorry I am. Honestly I was no good for you and I never was. I was always screwing up rather it was with my words or actions, I could never do anything right! It frustrated me, Always trying, but never succeeding! I’m sorry we was always fussing and we could never get along, I just wanted you to try to understand me. I’m sorry I made you miserable.

A lot of my anger or grumpiness was a cry for help that was never heard. I cried for help and nobody came, That’s honestly what’s pushed me to this point. Everybody always treated as if I was just being a “Drama Queen”, Yet in reality it was a cry for help. There was times when I begged for someone just to listen and not talk back or give advice, But that never happened. People always tried to make me feel better by telling me all I had to be happy for, But they never mentioned all I dealt with and that’s probably because they never took the time to listen.

Most think depression is easily overcome with a happy and hopeful spirit and by the grace of God you’d survive, Guess what I didn’t. I was given more than I could bear, I couldn’t hold the weight and nobody ever came to help me carry it either. I tried for so long to hold back the pain, But the pain got the best of me.

Please don’t carry any guilt that this was your fault because I decided my own fate. Know I loved you more than you can ever imagine and I will miss you so much. I’ll miss the few good memories we had and the close relationship that was shortly lived. I just wish I would’ve been better for you and left you thinking of me in good ways.

Finally, To make it as short and sweet as possible so you don’t have to read anymore I will end with this. I’m sorry for everything, Goodbye.

P.S. I Love You.

Ecclesiastes 7:16-17 Be not righteous over much; neither make thyself over wise: why shouldest thou destroy thyself? Be not over much wicked, neither be thou foolish: why shouldest tho die before thy time?

*Disclaimer: I have no intentions of committing suicide. I’m a christian and I learned a long time ago if anyone commits suicide they automatically go to Hell. That is not where I belong, so I will pray everyday that the Father takes my pain and helps me manage it so one day I can be with Him.

My Last Letter To You♡

What if I never got to say what I wanted to say before God took me away?

Years ago I asked myself that same question and decided to write what I call My Death Letters. It sounds kind of scary, but there’s a special meaning behind it.

The moment I realized I wanted to do this was the day my sweet Aunt Goldie passed away. We had all gathered at her house for what would be our last day with her. She passed away before she could express how she felt and it shattered everyone. After the funeral home came and took her away we all started to straighten everything up. It was then we discovered letters she had written and tucked under the couch cushions before she passed, They were a few what I can remember.

I started wondering to myself what if something instantaneous happened to me and I never got to say goodbye or say my last few words? What would I want to say? During this moment I realized I wanted my loved ones left with a final letter from me and I put my husband in charge of delivering them if something was to ever happen. So I sat down and started writing letters to everyone I love and told them what impacts they made on my life, how much I loved them, and finally I loved them.

I started writing them just to immediate family members and then It got deep. I actually realized along the way that I wanted my enemies or people who hated me to know how I felt too. Those letters weren’t easy to write because I didn’t say how much I hated them, But how I forgave them. For the ones I had once done wrong it was more of an apology letter to express how sorry I was for whatever I had done.

When writing these letters it brought up so many emotions and feelings, I wanted to have a way to leave my impact even when I wasn’t here anymore. I wanted to give my family one last thing to remember me by, A final letter from me.

The Nurse That Saved My Babies Lives!♡♡

To say, “Shew! You’re a life saver!” isn’t to be taken lightly when it comes to this woman!

When we first found out we was pregnant we was so excited and honestly we thought we knew it all, But we wasn’t even close. From day one my Moma knew something wasn’t quite right with our oldest twin Ireland. Everyday Moma saw her she always made remarks about how something was off. In the beginning I just thought she was undermining me as a parent, But my gut said otherwise.

 

After the girls were born we had to choose a pediatrician before we was discharged and my grandmother raved about my neices pediatrician Dr. John. We was told before we left the hospital that Ireland needed to follow up with cardiologist due to her heart not being right. We went to our first appointment with Dr. John and he told us that a follow-up with cardiologist wasn’t necessary. Moma told me I needed to make an appointment with cardiologist and find a new pediatrician asap. We saw cardiologist within a week and found out Ireland had several holes in her heart, She had open-heart surgery last year.

 

After finding a new pediatrician Dr. James we felt somewhat better. We had took them once due to both girls being sick. She called to check up on them and asked what the DR had prescribed and how much did he tell me to give them. Once I told her she told me not give the next dose and that she would call me back. After speaking to a pharmisist she called me back to tell me that he had prescribed almost 2x the amount they needed!

 

On several occasions (20 or more) she has came to visit and told me to take them to the ER that something was wrong and EVERY SINGLE TIME she was right! If it wasn’t for her looking out for my babies honeslty I don’t know if they’d be here.

I’m forever grateful and indebted to my hero, Nurse Moma. With 15 years and counting of experience she knows what she’s doing and we’re truly blessed to call her ours!

Maybe you have a hero of your own? I would love to read your story! Leave your story in the comments below!

Dedicated to Nurse Moma & Nurses everywhere for saving lives!

Boy, That Felt Good!

Did it feel good? To be perfectly honest, yeah! I never thought I’d say that! So, I gotta question for you tho. Why’s your mind in the gutter? (Laughs)

I haven’t truly went walking all the way around our small town lake in MONTHS! I didn’t really remember it being a great experience from the years past either. When I used to smoke I wouldn’t get 1/4th of the way thru it and feel like I was going to die! Today was a totally different experience and it felt amazing!

I decided today would be the perfect day to go out so I invited (maysmomma) along with May! We went and walked around the entire lake and nobody died! We also shot a “Music Video” while we was there after we got our bellies full on our picnic and buddy it shows in the video! (Laughs)

We finally made our way to the park for some sit down time and to just catch up. It was a much needed day for me after battling depression in the last year, but Depression was the last thing on my mind today for once!

All in all we had a ball!

Thanks Maysmomma for the adventure!

Sometimes a walk will take you much farther than you really beleive! -Austria Kinsale

Dear Organ Donor,

Dear Organ Donor,

I know that you’ll never really read this, But as I write I pray that you can hear it.

I wanted to take a moment to tell you how eternally grateful I am and will always be. Our whole world changed the day you passed away and because of you a life was also saved. A life that was near the end and had suffered for so long.

Our Uncle Jr. found out he needed a kidney and heart transplant after having his health declined so terribly. Everyone feared that he didn’t have long and our hearts broke knowing there was nothing we could do about it except for pray. I remember the day my Nana called to tell me they had him a liver and a heart! I went to bed crying that night thanking God for giving him a second chance at life, But heart-broken for the ones who’d lost someone they loved.

Because of your selfless act of kindness we get many more years to come with our Uncle. We owe so much to you, Yet we know we can never pay you back for the blessing you gave us! You gave a man another lifetime to spend with his loving wife, children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, and many more!

After years of wondering if being an organ donor makes a difference I learned from you just how big of a difference it can make! I had recently even considered removing it from my driver’s license, But due to this experience I’ve decided to remain an organ donor and one day my time will come to help a family in need just like you did for us.

So Thank you for another chance at life with our Uncle and Thank you for your blessing of a lifetime! I hope you’re looking down at him and smiling at the new life you gave him. I also pray for comfort of the ones who lost you and pray God shows them the wonderful gift you gave!

We will never forget you and what you did for us! ♥♥

Uncle Jr & Aunt Kathy

My Husband’s Best Friend

His best friend is here, I can see it on his face.

Excitement fills his eyes and his heart begins to race.

I know he’s missed you and I can’t blame him for that.

I’ve missed you too, I remember you being my best friend.

I see the way he looks at you, I haven’t seen that look since we first met.

I see the joy in his face when you walk thru the door,

He’s had a lot going on and he can’t wait to tell you more.

I wish I was still his best friend, But I’m not anymore.

When he speaks you really listen and understand his pain,

You first comfort his heart by telling him it’ll be ok.

You break the uneasy hurt in his heart with a simple laugh and a joke,

I see the exchange of glimmering smiles passed between you both.

When he sees you it’s like an instant smile crosses his face,

When he sees me he looks worried and uncertain of what I’m about to say.

His blue eyes light up like he hasn’t seen you in years, Even though he just texted you yesterday.

Texts don’t do him justice, He just needs to see you face.

I must admit you have a presence like no woman I’ve met before.

You give a feeling of comfort from the moment you walk through the door.

Your sweet, tender-hearted, and have a heart like gold.

Your face is something only God himself could’ve made.

I have no reason to worry about the great unknown,

As he was yours long before I claimed him as my own.

You became best friends over a special birthday cake,

That’s what he first remember about that special day.

I’m not worried about a secret relationship, Being brutally honest, I’m jealous.

I wish I could be his best friend I once was, But I can’t undo what I’ve already done.

I wish I could take it all back and be in his good grace,

But I can’t and it’s done and I must take the pain.

He hopes you find the right man you’ve long been dreaming of,

A man to love you right and not do you wrong.

It breaks his heart to see you treated poorly as it does me too,

But when it happens he’ll be waiting by the phone ready to comfort you.

I’m glad someone comforts him and makes him smile, Even if it’s not me.

I’m glad he has you as his best friend, You was always good to me.

All I’ve wanted for him is to be truly happy.

When you two are together I just try to leave you be,

Knowing he’s happy somehow comforts me.

Seeing you may just be exactly what he needs,

And sometimes he just needs an escape from me.

I can’t help but wonder what if the roles were switched that day.

If I would’ve of married your crazy ex-husband and you would’ve taken my place.

I could see him truly happy being married to you,

A loving, caring woman is what he’s always seen in you.

I mostly see him happy when he sees his babies and you.

As bad as it breaks my heart to say, I envy you.

I wish he gave me the same big smile and I saw happiness in his big blue eyes,

But most days with me he’s miserable and that’s no surprise.

Needless to say I’m blessed he has you, Someone to lean on to get him through.

For worse or for better till death do you part, Love him forever with you tender heart.

I know you’ll always be there for him until the very end,

I’m honestly glad you’re best friends. ♥♥

The truth is rarely pure and never simple.∼ Oscar Wilde

The truth tends to come out when your either drunk or sleep deprived.

∼ Austria Kinsale

A New YouTube Channel?

A new YouTube Channel would be awesome! This has been something I’ve been debating on, But will it happen??

I’ve recently been thinking about creating a YouTube channel in an attempt to connect with more people. In the beginning it sounded really awesome until I started thinking about the crazy world we live in.

During my thinking on starting a YouTube Channel I knew off the top of my had there was a few things I wanted to talk about such as being a Moma to twins, living in a small town, outdoor adventures, Bigfoot hunts with May’sMomma, My faith, and other subjects. Then it all hit me, “What am I thinking?!?!?”
The Dangers

How different on a dangerous level is YouTube compared to other social medias?

Snapchat, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook and Twitter are just a few social medias to name. Recently there has been reports of child abductions, young girls getting raped, and worse all because of the wrong person getting the wrong personal information. Honestly is there a safe way to have social media without the danger of possibilities?

I wondered if there was a way to have a safe YouTube Channel. If I left out all personal information would there even be a story to tell?

Here is where I need you input!
Comment below and let me know what you think!
I look forward to hearing from you!♥♥

 

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