Stuck with Abuse

As women and mothers we tend to do everything we can for ourselves and our children, but to what extent?

I spoke to a good friend of mine Rosa this past week about her past relationships. She was a mother of two children from a previous marriage and living with an extremely abusive spouse. She was married to him for nearly 9 years, but why?

In most cases we marry out of pure love. We have this amazing man in front of us whom promises us the world, not only for us, but for our children as well. The man before you promises to be a wonderful father, a great provider and an exceptional spouse. What more could you ask for? You are a working mother struggling to make ends meet, struggling to find a babysitter while you do work and you desire a sence of physical intimacy.

In my experience most men don’t show their faulty trades until the marriage begins. Once the abusive side comes out we tend to feel stuck. Whilst we are married to this abusive spouse we also have a roof over our head, food on the table for our children, and most become stay at home moms.

Remember abuse comes in many ways, some physical, some mental and most commonly both. It can be a calling you a cow everytime you dress up or a slap in the face when you brink him the wrong drink. Some are highly worse than others. Years ago I was with somebody that cussed me, got in my face, and threatened me just because he was drunk and most of the time he probably didn’t even know who I was.

In some cases men don’t only abuse their spouses, but also their children too. Maybe when Mommy goes to work the beatings begin, Don’t think it can’t or won’t happen because it can. Show me the likelihood?

Here it is. Nearly half of all women and men in the United States have experienced psychological aggression by an intimate partner in their lifetime (48.4% and 48.8%, respectively).
30 to 60% of perpetrators of intimate partner violence also abuse children in the household.

Source: https://www.thehotline.org/resources/statistics/

---

When we become at our wits’ end, reality sets in. You have to prepare for the inevitable. Some lose little in divorces and some lose everything. Is it worth loosing everything to be able to start all over again? YES! Starting all over again isn’t necessarily a bad thing, It’s a fresh start!

Don’t ever feel stuck! You do not have to take nor withstand being abused to have a happy life with a man. You are so much stronger than you think and even more powerful on you own! I got out, So can you! I love my husband and I couldn’t imagine life without him, but if I was stuck in Rosa’s shoes don’t think I wouldn’t bolt because I would and I would make it! As women we don’t always give ourselves credit where its due, but YOU ARE STRONG, MOMA!

Psalm 46:5

“God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved: God shall help her, and that right early.“

The “R” Word

The “R” word is a powerful word. Most have heard of it, Some unwilling have felt it’s power.

 

This word is loosely used as part of a crude joke and sometimes it’s used as an eager sexual advance. The word I’m speaking of is Rape.

 

Rape is something that no human should ever have to go through, but sadly some do. For those who have ever experienced it’s brutal force live with it forever. Rape isn’t something that is ever forgotten, but easily relived with just a simple word, gesture or even a simple joke.

 

Most people believe rape is uncommon even more so in our area, but here’s the reality. Statistics from the National Sexual Violence Resource Center report 1 in 5 Women and 1 in 71 Men have been raped at some point in their life. Imagine how many people you pass daily that are one of the few that were abused. You may even crack that joke to a buddy and unknowingly the girl behind you had actually went through what you’re joking about.

 

For those who have never experienced it will never know the torture a person went through and may not even understand how using the word lightly will effect someone. Sometimes a simple joke can take a person back in time and make them relive what they longed to forget. Within the past week, I was taken back in time to that place myself. A place where I had no control over anything, Not even my own body.  To gather myself I had to rush to a secluded place and remind myself I wasn’t there again and I was going to be ok! In those split seconds I felt dirty, unworthy, disgusted, and belittled all over again until I regained my control, composure and thoughts. For others, It takes a different toll. Some have a psychological breaks, They cry in the moment, drink their pain away, self harm and sometimes worse. Every person handles their own pain in a different way. Some recover quickly and don’t.

 

Use your words wisely because once they are said they can’t be taken back. Your words leave an impression on someone’s heart, so use yours to life someone up.

“A wholesome tongue is a tree of life: but perverseness therein is a breach in the spirit.”          -Proverbs 15:4 KJV

Know you are not alone, I’m right here with you. If you ever need anyone you can lean on me. You can Text “SAFE” to 1-276-210-8907 if you ever need someone to lean on.

With Most Love, D

 

 

 

 

The Little Things Still Count!

Do you truly appreciate the little things he/she still does for you?

For me, As a wife sometimes the little things he does for me slips by and I don’t show my husband the appreciation that I really should. For you married folks out there, Think back to when you first met your spouse. Do you remember when the little things made a difference? With my husband, it was the little things that made me fall in love and  marry him!

When we meet our Love, the little things stick out early on in your marriage. It might be the way he’d hold the door open for you, that little rose he got you that you knew you’d kill for sure because you’re no green-thumb. The cold pops on summer nights he’d stop at the gas station on the way home and pick you up. The “Baby, I miss and love you!” texts during the day. Those “Little Things” he did made you fall deeply in love with you him and might not have even realized it.

Some of my fondest memories are those little things still ’till this day. I recall a Valentine’s Day when we were engaged and of course broke. I came home and Dumpy had our tiny kitchen table lit up with birthday candles stuck in bologna sandwiches. That is a memory I will never forget! Who could? It wasn’t a 5 star diner that made my heart skip a beat, It was the love my husband put into a little gesture.

Another memory that comes back is the time he kept saying he wanted us to go on a date. I borrowed his truck while he was at work and I headed home to grab a few things. I went to the Castlewood Fair Grounds and put our old air mattress in the back along with some comfy blankets, pillows and a couple of glasses of sparkling cider. I picked him up from work and we laid in the back of that truck in each others arms until the sunset.

I remember the  early stages of our marriage being broke and even now we’re by no means rich, but we make it and we do it with the “Little Things”. From time to time he still cracks the joke that I’m so special I’m allowed to choose anything I want off the $1 menu at McDonald’s.

Sometimes we all get so caught up in life we forget to be thankful and appreciate the little things we do for each other. I challenge you to be appreciative toward your own spouse and do a little something for them as well. Those “Little Things” will change your life! Love each other with all you’ve got! Enjoy one of God’s most precious gifts, LOVE!

Some ideas:

*Give your spouse a much needed day to themselves!

*Allow Him a few hours to piddle, Even if what he’s doing make no sense to you!

*Thank Him for the little gestures on the spot!

*Leave Him a thank you note in his lunch bucket.

*Schedule a baby sitter and go on a date!

 

Boundaries & Respect

Do you know where your line is, Johnny Cash?

 

When in any form of friendship or relationship boundaries must be set! Setting boundaries isn’t about being mean or rude, It’s about taking a stand for yourself and not allowing yourself to be taken advantage of.

Respect is something I learned early on as a child, If I disrespected my mother then I expected my back porch to get painted red! Everyone needs to learn respect and learn how to not cross boundaries as well.

The world was not always like this, Respect use to come naturally. I could only imagine what would happen if my grand parents had disrespected their parents. It almost seems like during the 80’s and 90’s lack of respect occurred during the worst beginning of the drug epidemic.

 

A few months ago I had a much needed coming to Jesus talk with my Moma. I had been dealing with so much disrespect from family, friends and customers. I’m the type of person I wear my heart on my sleeve where everyone can take an easy shot. Since our talk my skin has since toughened up, slowly, but surely. Sometimes for others to open their eyes and see the fine line that has been drawn, we must show a stern disciplinary action! We must make an impact not only for our selves, but it may be something that can teach others life lessons as well.

 

Sometimes we aren’t the ones who have set the boundaries, but we are the ones that overstep them. At one point in our lives have all unknowingly crossed a boundary. Once you have crossed a line the only thing left to say is an apology to show that you are sincere.

Respect plays an important roll in all of this as well. If start your relationship or friendship out with respect you will be less likely to cross a boundary. If there’s every a moment where you’re not sure what or where that boundary is, Just ask. It’s easier to ask a question than it is to ask for forgiveness.

“May your heart be strong and your courage be tall! Brace yourself for whatever life has in store for you.” -Austria Kinsley

 

Thank you Moma for all of your support and for raising me with respect as my foundation. My life would be nothing without you in it!

 

Encouragement:

 

The Ghost Ship

In the past months, as I sail on my ghost ship into the unknown of my future. I sail on the high seas of Faith, Trusting the Lord as my navigator.

 

In my last featured post my dearest grandmother had surgery, She has fully recovered today with little problems due from it. It’s been a mer 6 months since I’ve written and I’ve been absent for so long that I’ve almost forgotten how to write! My journey since has been like the screeming 60s of the South Pacific!

 

During the Mid of July, I made the decision to open a small-town business in the heart of St. Paul, Virginia. August the 1st, Two Blessings Thrift Store opened it’s doors! We are a Christian based store that thrives on being able to help the community with a place to shop for their family for affordable prices. Currently, We offer beautiful Fairy Princess style prom gowns for $4.99 and name-brand casual wear for $1.99! It would not have been possible with out God! I praise Him for everything He has done for us, Especially for navigating us all the way!   Since opening our doors I’ve met so many wonderful people and many friendships have bloomed with it! It’s not to say that it’s perfect because daily we rise to the top of the screeming 60s waves in the brutal midst of the wide-open ocean!

Beiung a small-town business owner comes with major rises and downfalls. One of my biggest challenges yet is that I’ve not been able to make time for really anything other than the business. It’s not just a struggle for me, but everyone around me. We’re not promised a tomorrow so we better start spending our time wisely and that’s exactly what I hope to do over the course of the next few months.

 

“The wind was right and the tide was high, Sorry, but I just had to go while the going was good.”

 

My What If Suicide Letter (Trigger Warning)

I believe at one point and time the thought of suicide has crossed everyone’s mind. This is a sensitive subject that most don’t even discuss.

Maybe this sounds superficial, but in most movies and in real life when one decides to end their life they leave a letter to explain their action. I’ve often wondered if I ever came to that point in my life what words would I leave in the minds of the ones I loved. All across the board, These would be the words I left on a tear-stained page.

First off, I’m sorry that you’re going to deal with all this. From experience I know having a funeral home come, having a mess to clean up afterwards, and the burden of financial burial funds are no fun to deal with. Moving on, There has been several things on mind that I’ve pondered on during my last days with depression.

I want to apologize for everything I’ve done, All except for my death. I’m glad I left you so now you can finally be happy. I’m sorry I was always so grumpy, People just don’t realize how much having depression sucks the life out of you. I’m sorry for being a burden and in the way. I’m sorry for the joy I sucked from your life. I’m gone now, so you can do what makes you happy without dealing with me.

I’m sorry I was never good enough for you and I wasn’t the best I could be. I’m sorry for all the emotions I made you feel like frustration, anger, hurt, and sadness. I’m sorry I was worthless and not good enough. I’m sorry I came into your life and did you more harm that good. I keep saying sorry because you’ll never know or understand just how sorry I am. Honestly I was no good for you and I never was. I was always screwing up rather it was with my words or actions, I could never do anything right! It frustrated me, Always trying, but never succeeding! I’m sorry we was always fussing and we could never get along, I just wanted you to try to understand me. I’m sorry I made you miserable.

A lot of my anger or grumpiness was a cry for help that was never heard. I cried for help and nobody came, That’s honestly what’s pushed me to this point. Everybody always treated as if I was just being a “Drama Queen”, Yet in reality it was a cry for help. There was times when I begged for someone just to listen and not talk back or give advice, But that never happened. People always tried to make me feel better by telling me all I had to be happy for, But they never mentioned all I dealt with and that’s probably because they never took the time to listen.

Most think depression is easily overcome with a happy and hopeful spirit and by the grace of God you’d survive, Guess what I didn’t. I was given more than I could bear, I couldn’t hold the weight and nobody ever came to help me carry it either. I tried for so long to hold back the pain, But the pain got the best of me.

Please don’t carry any guilt that this was your fault because I decided my own fate. Know I loved you more than you can ever imagine and I will miss you so much. I’ll miss the few good memories we had and the close relationship that was shortly lived. I just wish I would’ve been better for you and left you thinking of me in good ways.

Finally, To make it as short and sweet as possible so you don’t have to read anymore I will end with this. I’m sorry for everything, Goodbye.

P.S. I Love You.

Ecclesiastes 7:16-17 Be not righteous over much; neither make thyself over wise: why shouldest thou destroy thyself? Be not over much wicked, neither be thou foolish: why shouldest tho die before thy time?

*Disclaimer: I have no intentions of committing suicide. I’m a christian and I learned a long time ago if anyone commits suicide they automatically go to Hell. That is not where I belong, so I will pray everyday that the Father takes my pain and helps me manage it so one day I can be with Him.

My Last Letter To You♡

What if I never got to say what I wanted to say before God took me away?

Years ago I asked myself that same question and decided to write what I call My Death Letters. It sounds kind of scary, but there’s a special meaning behind it.

The moment I realized I wanted to do this was the day my sweet Aunt Goldie passed away. We had all gathered at her house for what would be our last day with her. She passed away before she could express how she felt and it shattered everyone. After the funeral home came and took her away we all started to straighten everything up. It was then we discovered letters she had written and tucked under the couch cushions before she passed, They were a few what I can remember.

I started wondering to myself what if something instantaneous happened to me and I never got to say goodbye or say my last few words? What would I want to say? During this moment I realized I wanted my loved ones left with a final letter from me and I put my husband in charge of delivering them if something was to ever happen. So I sat down and started writing letters to everyone I love and told them what impacts they made on my life, how much I loved them, and finally I loved them.

I started writing them just to immediate family members and then It got deep. I actually realized along the way that I wanted my enemies or people who hated me to know how I felt too. Those letters weren’t easy to write because I didn’t say how much I hated them, But how I forgave them. For the ones I had once done wrong it was more of an apology letter to express how sorry I was for whatever I had done.

When writing these letters it brought up so many emotions and feelings, I wanted to have a way to leave my impact even when I wasn’t here anymore. I wanted to give my family one last thing to remember me by, A final letter from me.

Boy, That Felt Good!

Did it feel good? To be perfectly honest, yeah! I never thought I’d say that! So, I gotta question for you tho. Why’s your mind in the gutter? (Laughs)

I haven’t truly went walking all the way around our small town lake in MONTHS! I didn’t really remember it being a great experience from the years past either. When I used to smoke I wouldn’t get 1/4th of the way thru it and feel like I was going to die! Today was a totally different experience and it felt amazing!

I decided today would be the perfect day to go out so I invited (maysmomma) along with May! We went and walked around the entire lake and nobody died! We also shot a “Music Video” while we was there after we got our bellies full on our picnic and buddy it shows in the video! (Laughs)

We finally made our way to the park for some sit down time and to just catch up. It was a much needed day for me after battling depression in the last year, but Depression was the last thing on my mind today for once!

All in all we had a ball!

Thanks Maysmomma for the adventure!

Sometimes a walk will take you much farther than you really beleive! -Austria Kinsale

Dear Organ Donor,

Dear Organ Donor,

I know that you’ll never really read this, But as I write I pray that you can hear it.

I wanted to take a moment to tell you how eternally grateful I am and will always be. Our whole world changed the day you passed away and because of you a life was also saved. A life that was near the end and had suffered for so long.

Our Uncle Jr. found out he needed a kidney and heart transplant after having his health declined so terribly. Everyone feared that he didn’t have long and our hearts broke knowing there was nothing we could do about it except for pray. I remember the day my Nana called to tell me they had him a liver and a heart! I went to bed crying that night thanking God for giving him a second chance at life, But heart-broken for the ones who’d lost someone they loved.

Because of your selfless act of kindness we get many more years to come with our Uncle. We owe so much to you, Yet we know we can never pay you back for the blessing you gave us! You gave a man another lifetime to spend with his loving wife, children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, and many more!

After years of wondering if being an organ donor makes a difference I learned from you just how big of a difference it can make! I had recently even considered removing it from my driver’s license, But due to this experience I’ve decided to remain an organ donor and one day my time will come to help a family in need just like you did for us.

So Thank you for another chance at life with our Uncle and Thank you for your blessing of a lifetime! I hope you’re looking down at him and smiling at the new life you gave him. I also pray for comfort of the ones who lost you and pray God shows them the wonderful gift you gave!

We will never forget you and what you did for us! ♥♥

Uncle Jr & Aunt Kathy

A New YouTube Channel?

A new YouTube Channel would be awesome! This has been something I’ve been debating on, But will it happen??

I’ve recently been thinking about creating a YouTube channel in an attempt to connect with more people. In the beginning it sounded really awesome until I started thinking about the crazy world we live in.

During my thinking on starting a YouTube Channel I knew off the top of my had there was a few things I wanted to talk about such as being a Moma to twins, living in a small town, outdoor adventures, Bigfoot hunts with May’sMomma, My faith, and other subjects. Then it all hit me, “What am I thinking?!?!?”
The Dangers

How different on a dangerous level is YouTube compared to other social medias?

Snapchat, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook and Twitter are just a few social medias to name. Recently there has been reports of child abductions, young girls getting raped, and worse all because of the wrong person getting the wrong personal information. Honestly is there a safe way to have social media without the danger of possibilities?

I wondered if there was a way to have a safe YouTube Channel. If I left out all personal information would there even be a story to tell?

Here is where I need you input!
Comment below and let me know what you think!
I look forward to hearing from you!♥♥